Young Dad, Old Dad

Cross Posted from Grounded Parents…

(CN: Parental Health, Parental Death)

In full Griffyndor colors even!

It was the Schmoo’s 10th birthday at the end of February. She requested an excursion to the University of Cincinnati Rec Center’s Climbing Wall, so off we went to watch her and her 10 closest friends clambered up and down the fake rock face. A fun time was had by all. There was cake. I had most of my fun watching and taking pictures, because there was no fucking way I could do any serious rock climbing with my fucked up left foot. Yeah, I have chronic plantar fasciitis in my left foot, I’m actually due to have it operated on at the end of March. It’s really painful and has turned me into a bit of a grouchy slug, because every step I take involves some amount of discomfort. It ranges from medium levels of ouchie tenderness all the way to please just chop my foot off throbbing heel pain. My podiatrist and myself have thrown everything at this ailment and we finally gave in and decided to put it under the knife. So yay me!

The confluence of these two happy occasions has gotten me thinking a bit about family planning and life planning and the inevitable conflict between those plans and relentless journey towards rigor mortis we are all undertaking. I’ve been a parent for 10 awesome years. Ten years that saw me go from a moderately athletic 36 year old, someone with the occasional ache and pain but still willing to dive wholeheartedly into a game of tag or catch, to a formerly athletic 46 year old who limps everywhere and couldn’t run if his life depended on it. It seems that just when my Hellions are starting to hit their stride as full fledged little people who need to get outside to run, jump, and play, my ability to keep up with them is failing.

It’s largely bad timing. My next door neighbors, a lovely couple just cruising into their mid thirties, had their now teenage daughter when they were quite young. They have never had the problems I’m having now because by the time he is “Old Dad” his kid will be in college. As a matter of fact I have guys I went to High School with who are already grandparents because they started their family in their 20’s instead of 30’s. Because I didn’t even meet The Girl until I was 32, we didn’t get married until I was 34, and started popping out Hellions at 35, I’ll be “Really Old Dad” when/if I get grandkids. There was only a brief window in which I could be “Young Dad”. I did my best with that time I think, but that time is definitely over.

The worst part of all this is that I used to know someone who had done both jobs. I was my Dads first kid way back in 1968, by 1971 there were three of us. Eventually there would be eight. When I was 10 my Dad was still a spry 34 year old. We used to go jogging together as I trained for cross country as a teenager. He was our soccer coach, heck he was EVERYONES soccer coach. He played softball for the radio station and he was an indefatigable hiker. Sixteen years later, when my youngest brother was 10, there was a different Dad in place. This one still coached soccer (he coached soccer for 20 years,) but he couldn’t dive into drills with the kids like he did with Tony and I. He still liked to camp and hike, but couldn’t go quite as far or as long as he used to. Middle age hit him pretty hard, he ended up with pretty bad and largely untreated depression issues and hypochondria complicating his later years. He had finally started to turn the corner and get help when, in November of 1999 he walked out to get the paper and was struck by a minivan driven by a young woman who had a seizure behind the wheel. So I never got to talk to him about this stage of life. I’m sure he would have had something funny to say at least.

I suppose I should have prepared myself better. There are plenty of people my age who are still active and healthy, who play soccer or softball on the weekends. I have two uncles with 10 to 20 years on me who run marathons for fuck sake. And yes there’s a lot I can still do now once we cut off my left foot. But this 10 year anniversary of my entry into fatherhood has thrown into sharp relief all of the experiences I will not be able to have with The Schmoo, Peanut or Grommet simply due to the bedeviling constant that is time passing. And what an enormous privilege it has been to have been able to do what I have so far, considering that there are many people whose lot in life, either due to accident, illness or genetics will rob them of their time as “Young Dad” or “Old Dad” or “Any kind of Dad at all”.

So Happy Birthday to the Schmoo. Keep growing up awesome. I’ll do my best to keep up.

Image Credits Blotz Photo Arts

Monday Muse: Throwing Muses

I wasn’t an MTV watcher, so I never actually saw the video for this song until I looked it up to share with you people.

Anyways, for awhile there I was super into pretty much everything that grew from the Throwing Muses family tree, Belly, The Breeders and similarly styled performers like Juliana Hatfield Three and Letters to Cleo. I have no ready explanation for that. This was just what tickled my music bone at the time. Almost everybody above is still a going concern, check em out.

Featured Image Credit 4AD Records 

Monday Muse: They Might Be Giants – Flood

The 25th Anniversary Of one of the formative albums of my youth has rolled around. They Might Be Giants was the first act I ever saw at Bogarts on Short Vine. The place was smoky and dirty and drippy. It still is actually. Back in 1990 John and John would still walk on stage just themselves, guitars and a metronome. It was a blast. TMBG was the geek rock alternative to the Grunge explosion, the perfect counterpoint to an era of music that sometimes veered into narcissistic depression. They still release interesting and innovative albums and you can still call Dial-a-Song.

I sing songs from Flood to my kids at bedtime, because that’s how timeless and awesome this album is.


You can wander over to their website and download TMBG playing the entirety of Flood live from their recent tour of Australia.

Featured Image Credit They Might Be Giants

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football: Superbowl Preview

Just a quick update today. The regular season is over and today begins a long 5 day stretch of scoreboard watching for our top two teams, Chris Dunn’s Open Carriers and Frank McElwain’s Start Your Starters. Tonight’s game doesn’t seem to figure into the finale, so I’ll be back on Sunday morning with a longer preview. Seeya then!

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football: Week 13 review, Week 14 preview.

The math doesn’t lie. Start Your Starters, possibly the hottest team in the league right now, has collected the points necessary to secure the second spot in the UFTPFFL Super Bowl in two weeks against the Open Carriers. Congrats to Frank and Chris for great seasons. With nothing to play for this week, I’ve decided to start the Consolation Bowl this week. We will continue to keep score for the rest of the year and the non finalist team that has the most successful month of December will get their 20 bucks back, out of my pocket.

Neer Neer (159 pts) This might look weird if you haven’t been paying attention, but Neer Neer Neeeeer has been playing lights out the last few weeks. This week’s star was Houston Texan DeAndre Hawkins (40 pts), who caught 9 passes for a whopping 238 yards, with 2 touchdowns along the way. This with noodle armed Ryan Fitzpatrick under center! Drew Brees (30 pts) wasn’t as flashy but did connect for 5 touchdowns against the Steelers.
Start your Starters (155 pts) The Lions haven’t been consistent all year, but at least they have a healthy Megatron back in the lineup. Calvin Johnson (37 pts) caught 11 balls for 146 yards and two scores against the ever generous Bears defenders. Aaron Rodgers (24 pts) made a case for his second MVP award with 368 yards and 2 TD passes against the Patriots, while Bronco CJ Anderson (25 pts) rumbled for 168 yards and caught a TD pass against the Chiefs. SYS has a hot team right now, lets hope they can keep it up.
Open Carriers (146 pts) They had better keep it up, because the OC’s are just as hot right now. Le’veon Bell (38 pts) had a monster day against the Saints, running for 98 yards and grabbing 8 passes for 159 yards. No one else on the roster stood out, but everybody chipped in, with only the kicker and defense scoring less than 13 points.

Team Schierer (121 pts) Andrew Luck (36 pts), and Julio Jones (34 pts), who torched the Cardinals secondary for 189 yards, did their best. But injuries and uncertainty at running back left TS with only 2 points from his starters and Arian Foster (20 pts) and Antonio Brown (31 pts) on his bench. Unfortunate mistakes which have cost TS a playoff spot. 

Our Sports Team (113 pts) Speaking of points on the bench, every player on the OST bench this week save for Alfred Blue (0 pts) scored more than 23 fantasy points. No starter scored more than LeSean McCoy (21pts). That’s how you lose these games folks.
Unaccompanied Minors (109 pts) The tailspin for the Minors continues as no player gained 20 points. 

Geatland Grendals (88 pts) GG was even worse than UM, with Andy Dalton (17 pts) leading the team in scoring. 

Seoul Crushers (80 pts) Jimmie Graham (0 pts) played the entire game against the Steelers and was not targeted ONCE!

RUNNING TOTAL
Open Carriers 90
Start your Starters 75
Team Schierer 63
Unaccompanied Minors 61
Neer Neer 53
Our Sports Team 48
Seoul Crushers 47
Geatland Grendals 36

Week 14 starts tonight with the Cowboys trying to rebound from their holiday disaster against the Eagles. Luckily the Bears are here to help! The Bengals take on the evil Pittsburgh Steelers in their first meeting of the year. A win here for Cincy could make their season finale match-up meaningless. The Ravens face the Dolphins with the winner likely to secure an AFC wild card spot. And the Patriots face a Chargers team that is suddenly hot again. There are six AFC teams with 7 wins, the next 4 weeks should be really interesting.

Featured Image Credit: Blood Bowl 

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football: Turkey Day!!!

With only two weeks to go, some teams are streaking and some are faltering. For one team things finally clicked after a big shakeup, although it’s way too late. Let’s see how things went.

Our Sports Team (151 pts)  OST turned over 6 roster spots, but it was their regulars finally coming through that rocketed them to the top spot this week. Shady McCoy (20 pts) is finally somewhat justifying his 1st round price. Eddie Lacy (27 pts) continues to blossom, and Josh Gordon (20 pts) was visibly out of shape yet still dangerous in his season debut after a suspension. But it was Demaryius Thomas (36 pts) who led the team with 10 receptions for 87 yards and 3 TDs. Where was this the rest of the year?

Start your Starters (150 pts) If there is such a thing as momentum in Fantasy Football, SYS has it. Matt Forte (27 pts) and Dez Bryant (27 pts), were joined by Denver running back C.J. Anderson (28 pts), who rumbled for 167 yards and a score. Add a kickoff return from the Philly D/ST (20 pts) and the Starters are peaking at the right time to secure that second playoff spot.

Seoul Crushers (145 pts) Another team left wondering where all these points have been hiding, the Crushers were led by their receivers this week, with Jimmie Graham (22 pts) scoring twice and the ageless Anquan Boldin (28 pts) snagging 9 passes for 137 yards and a touchdown.

Open Carriers (132 pts) Peyton Manning (28 pts) returned to form this week, dishing out 4 touchdown passes against the Dolphins. And new daddy TY Hilton (23 pts) celebrated with 4 catches for 122 yards and one memorable trip to paydirt.

Geatland Grendals (131 pts) When the Bengals do well, so do the Grendels. AJ Green (24 pts) caught 12 passes for 121 yards. But the star of the week was Baltimore Raven Justin Forsett (32 pts), who scampered for 182 yards and scored twice as the Ravens beat up the Saints on Monday Night. 

Unaccompanied Minors (107 pts) The Minors are fading fast. Jamaal Charles (22 pts) and Tom Brady (21 pts) are doing all they can. The UM’s need to hit all their spots the next two weeks to get past the Starters. 

Neer Neer Neeeeeer (105 pts)  Drew Brees (29 pts) had a desperate 420 yard, 3 TD game, and yet another great waiver pickup in Isaiah Crowell (20 pts) chipped in 2 scores, but it wasn’t enough to continue the NNN hot streak. 

Team Schierer (90 pts) TS has run into some awful luck these last two weeks. 

There are three games today! The Bears visit the Lions at 12:30 and the Eagles meet the Cowboys at 4:30. The Nightcap will be a nasty scrum between the 49’ers and Seahawks, two teams surprised to be looking up at the Cardinals in the NFC West. The Bengals finish their southern road trip in sunny Tampa. The Buc’s are a team in disarray, but never underestimate the Bengals ability to play down to their competition.

As always, have fun and doublecheck your lineups!

RUNNING TOTAL
Open Carriers 84
Start your Starters 68
Team Schierer 58
Unaccompanied Minors 58
Seoul Crushers 46
Neer Neer 45
Our Sports Team 44
Geatland Grendals 34

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football Week 11 Review and Weel 12 Preview

It’s the week before Thanksgiving. Which I believe is now termed Mauve Thursday, lube jobs and brakes are on sale throughout the land, in celebration of the Pilgrims not starving to death the previous winter. In Fantasy Football land we saw a week with some Topsy and Turvy heading into the Turkey Day home stretch. Let’s see how it hashed out.

Neer Neer (135 pts): The Tampa Bay Bucs may be having a horrid season, but rookie wide receiver Mike Evans (39 pts) has had an incredible two week stretch and NNN has been the beneficiary. 7 catches for 209 yards and 2 touchdowns. With Josh freaking McCown  throwing the ball. The Green Bay D/ST (33 pts) scored three times and added two turnovers in their rout of the Eagles.
Open Carriers (134 pts) The league leaders were only a point off the pace this week. The OC had their own 200 yard contributor with LeVeon Bell (29 pts) running for a sweet 204 yards. Emmanuel Sanders (21 pts), Jeremy Maclin (24 pts) and Rob Gronkowski (17 pts) did enough damage through the air to make up for soime pedestrian numbers elsewhere in the lineup.
Geatland Grendals (117 pts) Rising from the cellar for a week, last years champs grabbed the tiger by the tail, riding Bengals AJ Green (24 pts) and Andy Dalton (21 pts) to one of their best showings all season.

Start your Starters (114 pts) SYS got the right passer in the lineup this week and enjoyed Aaron Rodgers (28 pts) evisceration of the Eagles defense to the tune of 341 yards and 3 touchdowns. Matt Forte (22 pts) had another great ground and air game, running for 117 yards and a score, and catching 6 passes for 58 yards. Forte has 67 receptions with 6 games to go and is on pace to catch the record for receptions by a running back held by Arizona fullback Larry Centers at 101. The difference being that, while Centers was a fine player he was a secondary option in his offense. Forte is a true three down halfback and is having an amazing season. Too bad he can’t play defense as well.

Our Sports Team (111 pts) It felt like this was OST’s best performance in weeks. Eddie Lacy (25 pts) had 2 touchdowns, one through the air and one on the ground, and Kelvin Benjamin (25 pts) continued to be the only bright spot in Carolina. Alshon Jeffery (30 pts) responded well to his last minute benching by finally having a big game with 11 receptions for 135 yards and a trip to the endzone. All for naught.
Unaccompanied Minors (96 pts) Are the Minors letting a playoff spot slip away? Jamaal Charles (30 pts) and Jordy Nelson (20 pts) did their best, but an in game injury to TE Dwayne Allen (o pts) and a whole lot of single digit action from the rest of the team did them in this week.
Team Schierer (96 pts) The other contender to have a poorly timed off week, TS got the usual work from Killer A’s  Antonio Brown (24 pts) and Andrew Luck (21 pts), but third amigo Andre Ellington (10 pts) was bottled up by the Lions and Arian Foster (0 pts) was a late scratch.
Seoul Crushers (72 pts) Do not look directly at the Seoul Crushers box score, unless you are wearing the special safety glasses.

So here’s the running total. Open Carriers  continue to run away with the top spot. Are the Starters beginning to pull away from TS and the Minors? With three games to go a 6 point deficit isn’t insurmountable. Even NNN has yet to be mathematically eliminated! Can OST suck enough to fall into last place? Heck, if I tried to suck that bad I’d fail. 

RUNNING TOTAL
Open Carriers 79
Start your Starters 61
Team Schierer 57
Unaccompanied Minors 55
Neer Neer 43
Seoul Crushers 40
Our Sports Team 36
Geatland Grendals 30

Week 12 kicks off tonight in a game that would look a lot better in the early 90’s. The Chiefs will feed the ball to Jamaal Charles until he breaks. The Raiders will chase fruitlessly after him. This weeks dare? Start a Raider… any Raider. The Bengals continue their mid season tour of the various southern divisions to face playoff nemesis Houston. Arian Foster is day to day with the groin injury the kept him out of the Browns game, but Ryan Mallet still lead the team to victory in his first NFL start. I expect an ugly defensive struggle. Let’s just hope JJ Watt doesn’t kill Andy Dalton. In other interesting clashes, The Denver Broncos, coming off their most listless performance since last January visit a red hot Miami Dolphins team that is shaping up to be a frightening opponent in the wild card round. The one loss Arizona Cardinals visit Seattle to take on a Seahawks team that is starting to look desperate.

The Panthers and the Steelers have the week off to do their Navy Blue Friday, Indigo Sunday, Burnt Sienna Monday or Cauliflower Tuesday shopping done.

As always, doublecheck your lineups and have fun!

Featured Image Credit “And this is how we play Football” by PascalCampion at deviatart.

Up from the Pit Fantasy Football: Week 10 review, Week 11 preview

The Grommet has pinkeye this week, so I’ve been busy with him. But there’s still time for a lightning round version of the Week 10 Review and Week 11 Preview.
8 Seoul Crushers (166 pts) Marshawn Lynch (41 pts) rumbled for 140 yards and 4 tds. Jimmie Graham (29 pts) caught 10 passes for 2 tds. And Russell Wilson (22 pts) chipped in 107 yards on the ground. I’m having flashbacks to 2013.

7 Open Carriers, 7 Start your Starters (162 pts) The OC’s were led by Peyton Manning (33 pts) of course, with his 5 touchdown game against the Oakland area JV squad. SYS managed to match the league leaders this week behind a 158 yard, 2 score performance by Dez Bryant (33 pts), despite leaving Aaron Rodger’s (36 pts) six touchdown day on the bench!

5 Unaccompanied Minors (149 pts) The Minors benefitted from Rodgers big day with Jordy Nelson (33 pts) the recipient of 6 catches for 152 yards and 2 of those TD’s. Solid work from Jamaal Charlea (20 pts) and Larry Fitzgerald (20 pts) keeps UM right on the heels of SYS for the second playoff spot.

4 Neer Neer Neeeeeer (125 pts) Another great day on the waiver wire for NNN, snagging Tampa Bay rookie WR Mike Evans and reaping the benefit of a 7/125/1 td day. 

3 Team Schierer (120 pts) TS fell off the playoff pace, suffering through a brutal bye week, he was led by Tony Romo (21 pts) but little else. Andrew Luck and Arian Foster come back this week AJ, take heart!

2 Our Sports Team (115 pts) Eddie Lacy (20 pts), Demaryious Thomas (21 pts) and Kelvin Benjamin (22 pts) are suing the rest of this team for lack of support. Carson Palmer… we are really sorry we jinxed you.

1 Geatland Grendals (81 pts) The Bengals giveth, and they taketh away… Justin Forsett (23 pts) had a nice 112 yard 2 score day… 

Running Total
72 Open Carriers
56 Start your Starters
54 Team Schierer
52 Unaccompanied Minors
39 Seoul Crushers
35 Neer Neer
32 Our Sports Team
24 Geatland Grendals

As you can see, while no one is catching the Open Carriers, someone from the SYS, TS, or UM is going to get a chance to steal the championship from them in a head to head matchup in 4 short weeks. The undercard holds some drama as well. Can OST suck hard enough to fall into last place?

Week 11 kicks off tonight with the surging Dolphins taking on the upstart Buffalo Bills. The winner will look really strong in the AFC wild card race, the loser will need help. The Bengals travel to the Superdome to face a Saints team that has been disappointing all year, but may very well have a better shot at hosting a playoff game at 4-5 than the 5-3-1 Bengals because they play in the wretched NFC South. I’ve given up predicting what the Bengals will do. Let’s just hope the “Adequate” Andy Dalton shows up instead of the “Historically Awful” Andy Dalton who faced Cleveland last week.

The game of the week will definitely be the Colts hosting the Patriots on Sunday Night Football. Both teams are coming off a buy week, hopefully rested and healthy. Looking like the best team in football has been a bit of a curse this season. The Patriots are that team right now. Can the Colts knock them off and further muddy the AFC playoff picture? Team Chaos is certainly rooting for just such an outcome.

The Cowboys, Jaguars, J…E…T…S, and the Ravens have the week off to get their early holiday shopping started.

As always, good luck and have fun!

Featured Image, Superhero Football by Mbecks14 at deviantart.com

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football: Week 9 Review and Week 10 Preview

Sorry for the late posting fellow Fantasy Football fans. The Schmoo has pinkeye and is all oozey and sick these last two days. Just a quick review/preview this week.

8) Open Carriers (180 pts): Chris has just assembled a MACHINE this season. His lowest scoring position this week was Demarco Murray (12 pts). Murray is the highest scoring RB in the league. meanwhile Jeremy Maclin (33 pts) caught all the balls even though Mark Sanchez has taken over at QB for the Eagles. Manning, Gronkowski and Emmanuel Sanders each had 25 pts. So it goes.

7)Start Your Starters (138 pts): Frank beat the rest of the league to the waiver wire and picked up the points from another record setting performance from Big Ben Roethlisberger (37 pts) who threw for 6 touchdowns in a rout of the Ravens. This gives the Steeler a record 12 scores over the last two games, breaking the record of 11 set by AFL legend Tom Flores in 1967 and tied by Tom Brady in 2007. I wonder what the record for a three game stretch is?

6)Unaccompanied Minors (128 pts): UC swapped QB’s with the Seoul Crushers in a challenge trade this week. The Minors came out ahead getting 29 pts from Tom Brady’s 333 yard, 4 TD performance. An impressive week considering that they spotted the league a RB, not replacing the injured Gio Bernard in the lineup.

5) Team Scheirer (127 pts): Coming up a point short of the Minors thsi week, TS was led once again by the Killer A’s. Antonio Brown (31 pts), Andrew  Luck (30 pts) and Andre Ellington (22 pts)… and oh yeah Arian Foster (19 pts). Scour the waiver wire for more Andys and Anthonys?

4) Neer Neer Neeeeeeer (116 pts): Quickly becoming the class of the second division, NNN did a great job picking up freely available talent this week. Mark Engram (24 pts) and DeAndre Hopkins (23 pts) could have been on anyone’s roster this week.

3) Seoul Crushers (113 pts): The Crushers saw the return to form of Marshawn Lynch (30 pts) who rumbled for two scores, but Russell Wilson (10 pts) struggled to gain yards through the air.

4) Geatland Grendels (113 pts): Jeremy Hill brought 28 pts from his breakout performance against the Jags. But the rest of the Bengals on the GG roster had pedestrian outings.

1) Our Sports Team (80 pts): The Texans D/ST had 22 points. That’s pretty much the only think that went well last week.

Running Total
65 Open Carriers
51 Team Schierer
49 Start your Starters
47 Unaccompanied Minors
31 Seoul Crushers
31 Neer Neer
30 Our Sports Team
21 Geatland Grendals

As you can see, the battles for 2nd and 5th place are heating up. Week 10 kicks off tonight as the first round of the Battle of Ohio is fought at Paul Brown Stadium with first place in the AFC North on the line. These games are always exciting, but this is the first time in many a year that a Bengals/ Browns game has had this much riding on it.

A couple of other 5-3 teams in the AFC play this weekend. The Buffalo Bills face the tough Chiefs, with each team trying to stay ahead of a competitive wild card pack. The Dolphins do the same against a surprisingly 6-2 Lions team. The 49’ers and Saints, both 4-4, will battle to see who stays relevant in the NFC. And that is IT for compelling games, on paper at least, because the rest of the slate is Haves vs Have-nots.

Another big bye week with Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego, Washington, Houston taking the week off.

As always, doublecheck your injury reports, set your lineups, and have a great time watching football!

Featured Image “American Football”: by SS-Cheong at Deviantart

Up From the Pit Fantasy Football: Week 8 Review

So there were some points scored this weekend. A whole mess of points. Remember how low the scores were a week ago? That shit is over. We had our first 200 point performance ( and that could have been higher) and the highest scoring player in the NFL wasn’t even in a starting lineup!

Gonna try a different format for the second half.

1) Open Carriers 205 pts

To start with, the Open Carriers spotted the league a player when they left on their bench one Emmanuel Sanders (39 pts), the beneficiary of 3 touchdowns, 9 receptions and 120 yards in Denver’s Thursday Night victory. But that didn’t hold the OC’s back at all. Rob Gronkowski (41pts) destroyed the Bears defense, tossing defenders aside on the way to a 9/149/3 TD day. Peyton Manning (23 pts), TY Hilton (27 pts), Leveon Bell (20 pts), and Demarco Murray (26 pts) also “chipped in”. What’s that you say? That doesn’t add up to 205 points? Oh yeah… Jeremy Maclin (42 pts) only caught 12 passes for 187 yards and two scores. Just a perfect storm of fantasy domination.

2) Team Schierer 156 pts

Team Scheirer was brought to you this week by the letter A and the number 30. Andrew Luck (30 pts) was the passer, Arian Foster (39 pts) was the runner, and Antonio Brown (35 pts) was the receiver. With that kind of production from his three stars, Coach AJ really only needs she rest of the team to avoid putting up goose eggs.

3) Neer Neer Neeeeeer (148 pts)

Charging up from the basement, NNN once again depended on great pass catchers to lead his scores. Rookie star Sammy Watkins (24 pts) had 157 yards and a touchdown on only three receptions in Buffalo’s blowout win over the pitiful Jets. Super Golden Tate (28 pts) enjoyed his visit to London with 157 yards and a trip to ye olde end zone as Falcons defensive backs appeared to forget he was there at times. Drew Brees (24 pts) had a solid day to fend off rumors of his decline, and every other lineup slot had double digit points except Steve Smith Sr (6 pts) and he almost got away with stealing a score but was caught committing pretty blatant offensive pass interference on George Iloka. Great coaching from Karl this week.

4) Our Sports Team (143 pts)

Still clinging to the edge of mathematical elimination, OST got off to a strong start due to their big investment in the AFC West. Start with Philip Rivers (23 pts) on 252 yards passing and 3 tds, one of which went to Keenan Allen (22 pts). Demaryious Thomas (18 pts), caught 8 balls for 105 yards, but couldn’t get any attention in the end zone for some strange reason (damn you Sanders!). Eddie Lacy (25 pts) was stymied on the ground, but hauled in 8 passes for 123 yards through the air. There were some points left on the bench though. Heath Miller (24 pts) watched Zack Ertz (9 pts) from the sidelines. That’s 13 points they could have used.

5) Unaccompanied Minors (138 pts)

Part of the trifecta of teams brawling over the second playoff spot, these lonely children got some surprises both good and bad this week. The Dolphins D/ST (28 pts) had two pick sixes of Jaguars rookie QB Blake Bortles and also blocked a kick. Larry Fitzgerald (29 pts) continues to enjoy the return of Carson Palmer to the lineup as the Cardinals beat the Eagles to go to 6-1 on the season! And Jamaal Charles (27 pts) had a nice air and ground day to go along with a touchdown in a rout of the Rams. On the downside, Jordy Nelson (5 pts) had his first off day in weeks, and Greg Olsen (2 pts) completely disappeared against the Seahawks.

6) Start Your Starters (121 pts)

SYS had a stars and scrubs week. Matt Forte (30 pts) continued his dual threat contributions, with 114 yards rushing and 54 receiving with a TD. Aaron Rodgers (28 pts) threw for 418 yards and two touchdowns. Ronnie Hillaman (15 pts) picked a good week to have his first 100 yard game, but Dez Bryant (12 pts) and Julius Thomas (4 pts) underperformed and left the Starters in the second division this week.

7) Seoul Crushers (120 pts)

Close behind, the Crushers (actually all three of these teams in this group) put up what would have been a perfectly decent score any other week. Tom Brady (34 pts) threw for 5 touchdowns and 354 yards! Remember When he was on the waiver wire? Antonio Gates (22 pts) and Ahmad Bradshaw (20 pts) tried their best. But Marshawn Lynch (7 pts) was mysteriously neglected in the Seahawks close shave against the Panthers. Coach Abby also had a mysterious kicker deficit, as Dan Bailey (5 pts) was outscored by Shane Graham (14 pts) on her bench.

8) Geatland Grendels (119 pts)

It wasn’t a case of “too many Bengals” this week as Andy Dalton (23 pts) had two QB sneak TD’s and Mo Sanu (19 pts) caught 5 passes for 125 yards. Nobody else besides Randall Cobb (23 pts) contributed whatsoever.

Nobody saw that coming Award Ben Roethlisberger racked 44 fantasy points this week and no one even had him on a roster! His 522 yard, 6 touchdown performance came on an unheard of 40 completions out of 49 attempts. Big Ben becomes the only passer in NFL history with two 500 yard games to his credit. And he did all of that despite wearing those laughable bumblebee style throwback jerseys. And being a rapist.

Well that was a fun weekend. What does week 9 have in store? Join us Friday and find out?