Raising Hellions 2011: A look back at an awesome year of awesomness
Hello everybody, it’s 2012.., if you’re a Mayan or incredibly gullible it’s THE LAST YEAR EVER!!!!
Which means we’re overdue for our year end wrap up in the lives of the Hellions and their extended family.
Hellion #1: The Schmoo Abides.
This was another big year for Abby. She started first grade in the spring at SCPA with all of the boundless enthusiasm that she brings to every endeavor she finds herself involved in. She also began taking the bus this year, a step that made her feel really growed up. Now I just have to wait until she’s old enough to be left at the bus stop by herself and my mornings will become that much less stressful and complicated. It is my understanding that the school policy will grant me that freedom sometime after she is legally allowed to vote.
Abby also continues her after school piano instruction, placing her well on the path to being better at pretty much everything than I am. She’s added an after school drawing class to her repertoire and continues to fill our house with an enormous amount of artwork. We’re thinking of adding a wing to the first floor to hold it all. Abby also started reading all by herself, a fact she celebrates by reading every sign we drive past every day. Which in no way grows annoying…really.
This was also the year that the Schmoo began to really explore and expand her skeptical and inquisitive faculties, from a continuous stream of amateur science projects; most of which involve freezing and or melting things, to an intense desire to help with the Daddy’s cooking, to her ambitious attempt to entrap Santa into revealing himself , Abby has shown a remarkable ability to examine her world and ask difficult and interesting questions. She also took it upon herself to create our very own Doench family Solstice tradition “Breakfast for Dinner” on the longest night of the year.
Hellion #2: Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Carolina Rose had quite an eventful year, beginning with an early spring haircut that she applied all on her lonesome. This led to a buzzcut that made her look like the cutest little lesbian 4 year old you’ll ever find for most of the year. This did litle to discourage our middle child from being all middle childy all over us.
Whilst Abby’s contribution to the household is an increased interest in cooking, Carolina has developed a fascination with cleaning, her favorite afternoon activities are mopping the floor with the Swiffer WetJet and cleaning the windows. This is definitely not coming from my side of the family.
School for the Peanut continues into her second year at Winton Montessori in Ms. K’s class. Like Abby she makes friends almost effortlessly and seems to fit into the Montessori program well. We hope she isn’t too shaken up by the transfer to the more traditional approach at SPCA.
In other good news, sort of, Carolina was diagnosed with some minor sensory issues that will require a little PT to straighten out. I say good news because thanks to my sister we have been able to get on top of the problem now, as opposed to 5th grade, which is when my sensory issues came to light. That could make all the difference in the world to a developing kid.
Hellion #3: Grommit loves Cars.
What can I say about the third kid. Not too much has changed since last year, save that the messes have become larger and in many ways less sanitary. He continues to be cute. He continues to be evil in equal proportion to said cuteness.
Ok, he did finally start talking in more than one syllable after our awesome pediatrician recommended some speech therapy. Now he can readily identify most colors, although a lot of them are “yawwow” at the moment. He can hold his own in demanding milk, peanut butter, and “watch teevee”. And he has become irrationally attached to the cast of Pixar’s Cars franchise. We’re all looking forward to his debut in preschool this fall, mostly because we intend to have him potty trained, or at least housebroken by then.
The Rest of the Family: The Girl continues to be sublimely great at all things she does, from knitting to improving the house, to whatever it is her company pays her all that money to do (I understand a fraction of my wife’s job, other than knowing that I could not even do the fraction that I understand.) The company kept her travel light last year, a trend that will unfortunately end with week long trips to China and Brazil this year… HELP!
Whilst on our excellent vacation to The Outer Banks this summer with the Nelson clan, ending a mere week before the hurricane practically demolished the place, Naomi did dislocate her knee. Playing miniature golf. It was equally painful and embarrassing.
The Boy (that’s me): This was a fair enough year in the Boy’s world. The years have started to pick up a rhythm as the children take up more and more of my time. Part of growing up I guess. And growing old. Middle age is creeping up on me with padded feet and an expanding waistline. Two gut punches this year. In July the my mom suffered a very mild but still troubling stroke. She’s making a complete recovery, but her incapacity was the last straw for Best Friends Quilt Shop, which closed over the winter after a decade of operations. Then in October our circle of friends got a little smaller with the untimely death of my old high school pal, the Patron Saint of the After Party Chris Glandorf. Bummer…
In my personal life I did reach a cool milestone. On my third try I conquered the 50,000 word mark in the annual National Novel Writing Month contest, banging out the first draft of a fantasy novel based on the classic D&D module “Keep on the Borderlands”. I had an awesome time with the project and I hope I can translate that creative energy into more writing, both here and offline.
Speaking of more writing, I have been graciously allowed to contribute to the most excellent blog Skeptic Family. Many thanks to my buddy Colin Thornton for the opportunity. Anything I publish there will of course be crossposted here after I reinsert all of the curse words.
Well that’s all for this years Raising Hellions year end round up. Keep checking back for more fun updates. If fun updates cease, perhaps check the police blotter for “Local blogger sells entire family to gypsies”.
Love and peace and more Love…
Lou
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year… or not if that’s your cup of tea…
Christmas has not stalked silently into our midst this year. No… this year we have had the services of one Abigail Ellen Altima Fairbanks Doench to trumpet the coming birth of our lord and savior Mithra, or Jesus, or Sol Invictus, or whomever else. I defy anyone to be more excited about the upcoming X-mas as the #1 Hellion.
To our left is the traditional Milk and Cookies to be left out for Santa Claus, including an apple for the reindeer. It has been placed in front of our chimney with care. This despite the fact that said chimney (an authentic Rookwood tile gas fireplace dating to the late 19th century btw) has never actually been used in the Schmoo’s lifetime, primarily providing the existential hazard of a large and heavy cast iron cover that occasionally wiggles loose and crashes to the floor with a massive bang. Also its where the fucking mice live.
Anyhow, the observant reader (That would be you Jen) will notice the cunning trap that my darling oldest child has left for that Jolly Old Elf. For you see, there will be no cookies for the fat man unless he signs for them. Or perhaps “sings” for them… the kids six, she’ll pick up the spelling as she goes along. Also… I’m not sure what “ckookies” are, but I’m positive that they will be yummy.
Now to be clear, this is all part of Abby’s season long obsession with getting to the bottom of the Santa Mystery. Now I subscribe to Dale Mcgowan’s “let them figure it out for themselves”
plan when it comes to Santa. As a matter of fact, almost all of the Santa lore that Abby has in her darling little head comes from outside our house. We try and remain agnostic on the subject, merely answering her questions as they come. So far she hasn’t asked “Is Santa Real?” in so many words. But she’s nibbling at the edges. When the time comes we’ll answer honestly.
Abby has also become fascinated by the concept of the Solstice. The fact that it’s the longest night of the year (or it was on the 22nd) has delighted her inquisitive young mind. And it has allowed us to talk about all of the traditions that have sprung up around the Solstice. About how ancient peoples had a much more intimate relationship with the turning of the seasons than we do now.
In talking about how traditions started, Abby decided that we should have our own tradition for the Solstice. Our own way of celebrating the darkest night of the year. And all on her own, Abigail Ellen Altima Fairbanks Doench created a tradition.
Every year from now on, this branch of the Doench/Nelson family will have a very special “Breakfast for Dinner” to celebrate the longest night of the year. We will make bacon and eggs and pancakes and cereal and waffles and what have you. We will turn our night into morning in appreciation of the year that has passed and in anticipation of the new year to come.
So have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, stunning Solstice, or whatever else you celebrate as the days grow colder (or for our southern hemisphere friends warmer). From all the Hellions to all of you. Happy Holidays.
Novel excerpt… lets count the Orcs!
Presented for your perusal another chapter in the adventures of “Nano Noveling Nitwit and the Case of the Too Many Words”.
This little section is a bit I had been planning since the beginning, a meeting between the chieftains of the two Orc tribes that inhabit the Caves of Chaos. They each have a secret entrance to this meeting room and regularly come to converse and drink as equals and rivals.
I wrote this whole scene in one big glurge and you can see it in the text, there are some glaring inconsistencies. So here’s your assignment… can you read this chapter and then tell me a few things. What are the names of the two Orc Cheiftains? What are the names of the two tribes? Which tribe goes with which?
When I get back to these guys a little later I have it hashed out but during the writing of this chapter, done in the middle of a Nano trance, I’m pretty sure I mixed up all three of those things.
Enjoy.
In a small stone carved room a door opens and a sliver of flickering torchlight stabs into the darkness to illuminate a small round table and two stout wooden chairs. A burly Orc slips into the room and closes the door behind him. With the small torch he bears he lights the large brazier next to the table. Taking a seat at the table he opens the stopper on a bottle of harsh Orcish whiskey and pours two glasses. He waits to drink. After a few moments the door across from him opens to admit his counterpart. The second Orc chieftain closes the door behind him and takes a seat across from the first.
“Well met Garrul, how is that new wife I sent at midwinter treating you.”
The second Orc grimaced, picked up his glass and downed the whiskey in one swallow.
“Gah… The bitch is a feisty one Hallar, she’s tried to kill me twice already. But she squeezed out a pair of brats with the spring and that has settled her some.
Garrul downed his own cup and waited for Hallar to refill them as was customary in these meetings. As long as anyone could remember the the two clans of Orcs that resided in the Caves of Chaos, Garrul’s own Redeyes and Hallar’s Crooked Fang had held to an uneasy truce. Exchanges of wives between the two tribes had kept the peace for many generations now. They usually met in this secret room once or twice a year, to trade news and drink and plot warfare against the hated goblins and their hobgoblin allies. Garrul didn’t trust his opposite number as far he could spit, but Hallar was the closest thing he had to what the softer races would call a friend.
“I trust you’ve heard the news? That the ogre is dead at the hands of human interlopers?” he said once the glasses were refilled.
“Yes, my guards saw it happen, as best as they could under the accursed sun. This changes the balance of power doesnt it. Without the ogre to aid them We can finally smash the filthy little goblins to bits, take their caves and have that much more room for wives and loot.” the Redeyes chief laughed and downed another shot of whiskey. some went down the wrong way and he dissolved into a fit of laughing and coughing.
Hallar waited for Garrul’s fit to subside. “Of course first we must deal with the humans. My scouts tell me that after dispatching the ogre they fetched up a mule from a hidden place in the valley and they are setting up camp in the ogres cave. It seems they mean to stay, perhaps to steal back some of the gold we steal from their caravans.”
“Then we smash them like we smashed the last lot of them, those fools who called themselves Dragonslayers.”
“These fools have a wizard, and some priest of Law. They will be no easy pickings.”
The glasses were refilled and both orcs sat and drank in silence.
“Perhaps I can offer a course of action” came a third voice, seemingly from all around them. A shadow detached itself from the wall and loomed over the brazier. A cowled figure was outlined by the flickering light, but the illumination could not pierce the deep shadow of its hood to reveal the face beneath.
Hallar cursed and Garrul cast his chair aside fumbling for his sword.
“What treachery is this from the Crookked Fangs!”
“You know as much as I Garrul, this sorcery is none of my doing.” be too drew his blade, a wicked curved black thing.
“Set your weapons aside my friends, I come in peace with a great opportunity. A way for each of us to get what we want.” the shadow seemed to loom and fill the room as it spoke.
“How do you know what the Redeyes want spirit?” snarled Garrul. Hallar let his blade settle back into its sheath.
“You… You are from the dark temple are you not… A place even folk like us fear as accursed. A place that has lain empty and silent for years. I went there once on a dare when I was young, you have the smell of it on you.”
“THe clan chief Of the Crooked Fangs shows wisdom… Are the Redeyes interested in what I have to say as well?”
Garrul nodded and eyed his counterpart suspiciously. “the Redeyes will not allow the Crooked Fangs to feast at a table that they should rightly share. What is this opportunity you offer spirit?”
“Good my friends, listen well, and I will tell you how the Orcs of the Caves of Chaos can rule this entire river valley, and rid us once and for all of the Keep and it’s defenders.”
Keeping up with Skeptic Family
Just a quick update to my parenting links this morning. The excellent blogging collective at Science Based Parenting has been rebranded as Skeptic Family for reasons better explained by ticktock if you follow the link… well… go ahead.
Back? Good blog reader… here’s a treat.
If you check out the latest post you can follow the adventures of yours truly as I white knight for the value of dickishness in the atheoskeptiwhatever movement in the comments. Sorry folks, I sacrificed a lot of my life to the vice of passive aggressiveness, trust me it’s not worth it.
Love… blotzphoto.
Another blog returns from the darkness…
As the Professor says, Good News everyone! Excellent science blogger Greg Fish has returned from the wilderness that is Grad School to restart his blog
World of Weird Things. He’s a better writer than I so I’ll just quote from his about page:
Weird Things isn’t about debunking saints on cheese sandwiches, claims of telekinesis or simply reposting whatever science news come off the wires. It’s about researching big things and looking for the amazing, the unexpected and illuminating facts in a new light. Did an astronomer at SETI catch a brief signal from an alien civilization more than 30 years ago? What does a tabloid writer with a grudge have to do with the New World Order conspiracy theory? What are the odds that creatures from the stars will come to Earth, would they come in peace and what could we do if they didn’t? Is there a hypersonic jet stored in an Area 51 hangar because the USAF doesn’t know what to do with it? These are the questions Weird Things wants to answer..
After all, where’s the fun in reading about another lake monster or alien abduction and always know that in the end, it will be debunked and dismissed for the upteenth time?
Go there, he will educate and illuminate and entertain you. Warning… Weird Things may be addictive. Even to us liberal arts majors.
Oh, and another thing I wanted to talk about (hat tip to Greg actually). Go Google Burzynski Clinic. Go ahead… we’ll wait.
Back? Was the first hit one to this post by 17 year old blogger Rhys Morgan? (who seriously should be the main character in a Katherine Kurtz novel with a name like that.)
If it wasn’t then it should be, because in response to this initial posting in august, some PR scumbag somehow affiliated with the clinic, which peddles an expensive cancer treatment that is not covered by insurance to desperate cancer patients, began sending increasingly deranged cease and desist orders that basically devolved into threats… against a seventeen year old. Why is it not covered by insurance you ask? Because its been in clinical trials since 1977! Smarter folks than I can talk to you about whether antineoplaston therapy is a snake oil or not…go read them.
Why is this a Hellions issue? Hey, I want my kids to be able to speak truth to power without being harassed by thugs with legal briefs.
Now we are so happy we do the Dance of Joy!
So I did it, If you look down in the right hand corner of this blog you will see a little web banner.
it looks like this.
Winning!!!
And it means that I was able to write 50,000 words in one month! All it took was the dedication to set aside some time to write every day, a certain amount of neglect to my duties as SAHD, and a nasty little nicotine relapse that I need to nip in th bud before it gets out of hand.
50,247 words sounds like a lot, but it actually only comes out to 247 pages. By 247 pages of “A Game of Thrones”, author and serial procrastinator George RR Martin had yet to kill off even one sympathetic main character. It’s essentially a novella at this stage, an unfinished one at that. I actually clicked over the 50,000 word mark in the middle of a sentence, so I had to finish that. Then I had to finish the paragraph. Then I had to finish the chapter. Now I have to finish the story. Probably another 20,000 words to go. At least I don’t have to do that chunk at a 1667 word a day pace. When i finally type “the end” I’m going to make a copy available for all of you guys to read, probably by sharing a file on Dropbox. I’ll also be publishing some more excerpts here as I get them off the iPad .
Some quick things I’ve learned from this experience, in bullet point format.
- I really love my iPad. That’s not a new thing I learned but I felt it needed saying. I used Storyist for iPad, which was an excellent no nonsense app that was a breeze to use. Unfortunately their desktop software is Mac only, so I may be looking for a replacement.
- I really need a brush up course on proper grammar. I’m certain some of my comma abuse is pretty heinous.
- You know how a lot of writers talk about how their characters will take on a life of their own? Like you’ll be writing along and suddenly two of your characters have a lovers spat, cross words are exchanged, and they suddenly decide to “Take a Break” ? That totally happened all the time. And it was AWESOME!
- I really love my iPad. I know I said that already, but I really am astonished at the difference the iPad made to my Nano experience. One of the things that has always held me back as a writer has been my atrocious handwriting and lack of typing skills. Typing on the iPad has been a much more relaxing experience than I expected. I almost purchased a bluetooth keyboard for it, but after the first couple of days I found the onscreen keyboard to be completely efficient. The ios autocomplete system made typos a lot less frequent, and I think the way that the touchscreen keyboard anticipates where your finger needs to land made typing a lot easier than a keyboard. That being said, I still have a bluetooth keyboard on my Amazon wish list, so go crazy folks.
- I didn’t miss my video games as much as I thought I would. That’s the big thing I gave up to make room for writing and I’m surprised how little I miss it. I haven’t opened my Magic Online client in weeks. I’m just in chapter two of The Witcher 2, which I will be diving back into because it has…y’know… boobs in it. I haven’t even bought Skyrim yet. I’m guessing that I will eventually, but I’m in no hurry.
- I had a blast. Not only will I be doing this again next year, but I’ll be doing more writing year round, both here and on my own. Writing is fun, Who Knew?
Hadn’t meant to go completely dark.
Hey hey everybody. I had not meant to go completely dark, but the NanoNovel has gone very well. I ticked over 28,000 words this afternoon, which has boosted my average to 1478 words per day. I actually have 1400 in the bag so far this afternoon, so a concerted effort this evening might blow me past my 1 day record of around 2450. My finish date stands at December 3, but I think it’s well within reach for me to plow through and get past the finish line of 50,000 sometime this week. Interested parties can keep up with my progress here
I promised my Facebook friends an excerpt, so here’s the opening chapter, where we are introduced to the Keep itself and the mysterious Lila, enjoy.
Chapter 1
The sun rises on a crisp morning, a wind picks up, a warm wind that already threatens to erase last the last nights frost. The wind brushes the last bits of snow from an ancient road marker, left by a long forgotten Empire. A weathered stelae, the size of a small man or largish boy, squat and rounded by centuries of such winds, the marker has been used by many as the ages crept past. A patient scholar of language could most likely learn much about what this land was once called, yet even the dullest herdsman could make out the fresh chiselings at the top. the common runes for the Winds, blusteryg North, balmy South, gentle East and wicked West.
The road that lays beneath this marker is also old. Once paved, it carried the soldiers of mighty empires forth to conquer. Now it is mostly gravel. It runs with the rising and setting sun, from the East; where it grows fat on the populous and prosperous nations of Men and Elves, to the West where it dwindles into a nameless starving track through the Wild. Beneath the Winds,in the Common tongue of Men the marker conveys a simple message accompanied by an arrow pointing west.
“To the Borderlands”
The Wind swirls here, kicking up dust and awakening a thrush from the thorny bush that hugs the granite stelae’s feet. The wind swirls for a moment as if unsure what wind it will be today. For a moment all seasons are possible. For a moment any traveller, from king to knave, monster or maid might emerge from the hills to the west or crest the horizon onto the plains of the east. As it swirls,the last of the winters dry leaves begin to dance in its embrace. Higher and higher they climb, alive for one more too brief instant. The thrush, unimpressed by this display, bursts forth from her home and sets off in search of the mornings meal, leaving her mate to watch the clutch of eggs just beginning to quiver with new life. And at that interruption the spell breaks. The dancing leaves quickly forget their new life and settle back to be trod into soil. The Wind, realizing perhaps that there was never a choice in the matter, settles down and heads sheepishly west, to announce to all there the coming of Spring, and the beginning or many things both Great and Small.
#
If we follow the wind we can see the road west dwindle. Even this far the wind still blows past a few scattered farms. An apple orchard or a sheepherds cottage might bustle with morning activity. For a time the road follows a lazy river and on its banks you can find the huts of fishermen, some with smoke rising from owners who had braved the winter to fish through holes in the ice. In the deep of winter the road past this point is almost impassable, only now a
To the north a great forest arisees and in the distance behind that a great mountain range marks the border to the truly Wild lands of the West, where Giants dwell and Dragons lair and only the heartiest or most foolish of adventurers or the craftiest of merchants dare to travel. By the time the river turns away, to lose itself in bogs and marshes, even these last vestiges of civilization fall away, leaving the lonely road to turn northwest and dwindle away perhaps? When suddenly a second path forks from the road, a newer path heads off to the left. A maintained path, spread with gravel quarried nearby perhaps. And not long after splitting from the road, this new path leads to a small plateau and atop that bluff rises a Keep, a fortress in the style of Men. Not a grand castle, but certainly formidable, with a commanding view of the road and the river valley. Nestled behind it is a small trading and farming village, for indeed some hardy souls do venture this far, hunters of the strange beasts of the forest, the occasional merchant braving the dangerous road over the mountains to trade with the exotic nations of the west, explorers hoping to uncover the treasures of the ancients from some tomb in the ruins of a long forgotten city hidden deep in the wild.
So our wind, on this first day of spring, finally brings us to our destination. It sweeps up the path leading to the front gate, a heavy portcullis flanked by two watchtowers. There it blows through the hair of a girl. A young woman actually, one who would be regarded as quite pretty if you found it in yourself to overlook her torn dress, the stray leaves in her raven hair, the missing shoe and the swollen foot that it should have protected. Where was the shawl or coat one might need if one were out in the chilly air on this first spring morn. You might notice the blood at her temple.
There’s a bell with a cord, meant to be rung when unexpected travelers arrive after hours. With an unsteady hand she pulls it once, then stares as if the bells ring was the first sound she had ever heard.
The gate warden awoke with a start.
“Who the bloody hell…” he quickly tossed on a robe, struck a match to light his lamp and hurried down the stairs, pausing to pound on the door of his two subordinates in the room below him, one of whome should have been on watch. He would have to drill that winter laziness out of them before the flow of spring trade began.
He hurried to the small window just by the cord, flung it open and scowled at the intruder who had rudely awoken him. The villagers would come to the small gate in the rear of the keep. And it was too early in the season for traders.
“Now who do you think you are, waking good folks form their well earned slumber.” He leared, his ruddy features and stringy red hair combining with the scar across his brow earned on a long ago battlefield could give Clawburg quite a frightening appearance if he chose.
The girl just stared at him, her mouth forming soundless words, her eyes seeming to look past him.
“Oh my goodness dearie… What’s happened to you?” His demeanor immediately softened, changing from hardened soldier to kindly uncle in a moment
She looked at him for another moment, then soundlessly dropped to the ground, like a marionette whose strings had been snipped.
“Uh, oh… Boys…” he bellowed, “Get yer lazy arses up and get me this portcullis opened. We’ve an unexpected visitor who’ll be needing our help this fine first day of Spring.”
A minute or two later he bent down and lifted her from the ground. The girl did not respond.
“You’ve had yourself quite a bad time of it now haven’t you lass. Not a proper welcome at all… Even here at the End of the World.”
Nano Nano…
It’s October 29th… The month is almost over. Whilst I have not met my goal of a blog post for every day of October, I’m still pretty happy with the results so far. I’ve worked in a couple of recurring features. I’m learning the in’s and outs of the WordPress interface. I’ve discovered a pretty good blogging app for my precious iPad, the Blogsy App has been really useful, especially since it will allow me to share with both of my readers my epic “What I did on my summer vacation” project because all of my summer vacation pictures are stuck there. All in all I’m managing to enjoy myself and that was pretty much the point of this exercise.
Nano Nano!
Which leads me to the next step in the Raising Hellions evil master plan… posting a lot less so I can go crazy and write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.
That’s right! November is National Novel Writing Month, or NANOWRIMO for short. This will be my third year as a participant in Nano, an event i learned about from my iPhone actually. “How to write a novel in 3o days” was the homepage of the day for the WikiHow app when I downloaded it. I was fascinated by the idea, and checked out the website. Then I signed up. And November came around and I fell flat on my face.
Two years in a row…
My current high water mark is the 5000 words from last years story, which sounds pretty pathetic until you account for the fact that it’s 5000 more words than I’ve written for anything since high school.
This year I plan on replacing that “Participant” badge over there with a “Winner” badge. My plan off attack?
+1 vs Nostalgia
Well I had to double check with the rules Guru’s on the Nanowrimo message boards, but I was given the go ahead to reuse my novel from last year, considering that I didn’t get very far, as long as I actually rewrite it without referring to previous material after November first. So my Nanowrimo project for this year will be to finally and once and for all conquer “The Keep on the Borderlands”.
Written by Gary Gygax himself, KotBs was the adventure setting that was included in the Basic Dungeons and Dragons boxed set (often called the Holmes Rules) that Tony and I received for Christmas in 1980, (it was actually Tony’s present but I was really sick that X-mas so I got to read the rules while Tony had to go to church. I was swept away and haven’t looked back in 30 years.)
The Keep on the Borderlands details a lonely settlement on the outskirts of civilization, a bastion of law set to watch the edge of the wilderness. Nearby lie the infamous Caves of Chaos, a network of tunnels and lairs cut into the walls of an ancient canyon. Yeah, it’s corny stuff… but it was pure gold back when I was eleven.
What’s more, I plan to populate my story with versions of characters that I have created for various D&D games (or other FRPG’s) over the past 30 years, some of whom haven’t seen the light of a torch in almost that long.
So posting will be a little lighter during November as I tackle this once again. I’ll keep up the Manic Monday Parenting Links at the very least, and do my best to keep y’all updated on my progress.
And furthur more…
I’d like to revisit something from Monday’s post about Trick or Tracker , the Android app that allows parents to stalk, I mean monitor their children as they Trick or Treat. I did a little poking around their website and boy did I find some fun stuff. Trick or Tracker is the product of Iconosys, Inc , another dime a dozen App developer, described in their own words…
Iconosys develops safety, security, and privacy-oriented technologies for modern-age personal technology devices and platforms. Further, as a leader in the mobile communications market, we develop our technologies into retail grade Smart Device applications(Apps), web applications, enhanced web experiences. More specifically, Iconosys has developed nearly 500 Smart Device retail grade Apps since 2009.
That’s right… founded back in 2009… or as we call it now, “The Before-Time…the Long Long Ago”. They also provide such useful Apps as Guard’s Up, and Latchkey Kid, two products aimed at providing that extra feeling of security you can only get by tracking your child with a level of technological sophistication usually applied to the study of migratory patterns.
Now let’s return to the Orlando Sentinel article we linked to on Monday, particularly this quote.
If the child is too young to use a smartphone, Iconosys’ website states “the child is probably too young to trick-or-treat without being accompanied by a parent or guardian in any event.”
That’s some crackerjack stenography on the part of The Sentinel there. Now I’m not a childcare expert, just ask my children, but one might think that the anonymous web reporter for Q13 FOX News online could at least have linked to someone outside of Iconosys, Inc. to verify this bit of parenting wisdom? Or are we just going to take the developers of Zombie Slasher and Zombie Slasher: LA at their word on this one? It’s bad enough that they sell a product designed to play on largely unfounded fears of lurking pedophiles, they’re also encouraging a level of paranoia normally reserved for Dystopian Science Fiction.
I for one am waiting for the inevitable suggestion that you microchip your kids as infants, because then the Fundamentalist Christian will see it as the Mark of the Beast, and then the real crazy can take off!
Manic Monday Parenting Links
Mine never look this neat...
Welcome! Tis the season for Treats and or Tricks, depending on the quality of your Treat supply. Which I need to supply myself with ASAP. We live in a fairly nice section of Northside and I go through a metric ton of Halloween Candy every year. We are a bit of a destination neighborhood for trick or treaters, we’re better off than some of our surrounding communities, and we’re a lot safer than the projects, so we get a lot of kids from the other side of the tracks so to speak. Which is fine with me, trick or treating was always my favorite part of Halloween, and I think it’s something every kid should get to do as safely as possible.
But lets not get crazy about it, like the folks behind our first link courtesy of Lenore Skenazy at Free Range Kids.
From the Orlando Sentinel
App lets you track your trick-or-treater
Smartphone app allows parents to track their children as they trick or treat
So now we need to Lojack or kids for them to trick or treat? Fuck?
From the article…
“TrickorTracker can locate a trick-or-treater with the touch of a single button on the user’s smartphone and requires that it is installed on the parent’s and child’s smartphones.”
Ok I guess, there’s an entire marketing gimmick built around tracking your kids through their cell phones. We live in the age of helicopter parenting and we’ll stay there until the last of the Baby Boomers die off and hand off parenting to Generation X, at which point we’ll enter into the age of Benign Neglect parenting. I’m already way ahead of the curve there. It’s the next bit that gets me…
“If the child is too young to use a smartphone, Iconosys’ website states “the child is probably too young to trick-or-treat without being accompanied by a parent or guardian in any event.”
What…the …Fuck? That’s our standard? If you can’t use an iPhone you can’t be allowed out of mommy’s sight? By all that’s not in any way holy that is serious paranoia and we shouldn’t be encouraging it. Barring automobile accidents, Halloween is one of the safest nights of the year. Halloween is a perfect opportunity for your kids to gain a little self reliance and self confidence. Once your kid is old enough to Trick or Treat by themselves (depending on your kid YMMV, but I’m aiming at 8 or so for Abby to make a circuit of the block with her friends the same age) , there is absolutely no reason to track them by satellite, OK?
