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October 22, 2011

See that kid up there? That cute kid getting his first haircut? If he survives the month it will be a bloody fucking miracle.
You see, Linus has decided that he doesn’t want to wait for his loving parents to change his stinky diaper. So he is taking matters into his own hands and all over his floor. Pretty much every day for the last two weeks.

Your first instinct when a two and a half year old climbs into your bed with no diaper on at six o’fuckingclock in the morning might be to spank his rotten little bottom. You’ll want to fight that impulse. Seriously… For everyone’s piece of mind, and for sanitary purposes, you already have a mess to clean up and you want as little of that mess on your hands as possible.

As a matter of fact, I’ve found my reaction to this situation to be remarkably calm. It’s not like he’s doing it maliciously. He’s just at that awkward time before full on potty training (which he is ferociously resisting), where he knows he’s supposed todo something with the poop. He can’t leave it on his bottom. At the same time his loving parents are insisting that he spend a certain part of the day in his room playing unsupervised (this used to be nap time, but nap time is going away methinks). It’s a perfect storm of toddler independence and toddler dependence clashing.

See that cute kid up there? Keep checking this space to see if he’s still amongst us.


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